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Happiness hotline |
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Financial adviceHappiness hotline
Welcome to the OneUp clownline! 9/11 was the wake-up call and Sundoc Clown quit psychiatry to explore ways of promoting peace, love and joy. She is currently writing a 'clown aid' series for OneUp readers – twelve steps to happiness.
Q –
I have been a single parent now for almost two years and keep expecting the loneliness to stop but it doesn’t. I would like to know how to stop comparing my life with others and stop looking at other families that appear to have it all. Please do you have any advice, as sometimes I find being a single parent really difficult.
A – 7 April 2008 –
Dear Friend
Thanks for writing! As I see it, nobody has everything. That’s why there are so many of us to fill in the spaces. Loneliness is an illusion. There must be at least a zillion microbes living on, in or very near you right now. And, at a deeper level, we are all interconnected.
But don’t take my word for it, explore it yourself. Let your envious eye wander if it likes, but observe it from a distance. Does it really know what’s going on inside the people who appear to have it better than you? Are they truly happy and contented? Good for them if they are! If you must watch them, be happy that they’re there to demonstrate that life is good. Your business, however, is to take care of your own inner space. So when your eyes have wandered, bring them back home. Let them look at the good in your own life. There must be something, if you’re alive. The very least is a breath. Give thanks for the one you’re taking right now, free of charge. Make a list of the things you can be thankful for, even the most trivial, and give thanks for them several times per day. See what happens.
I give thanks for you! Yay! Whoopee!
Love and Hugs
Your Clown
Q –
I have been divorced for five years and still, when my children’s father comes to pick them up for a weekend, he is all tense and hardly talks to me. It’s obvious that the tension upsets the children and, even though I have come to terms with things and try to be friendly, he is still resentful and sullen. For my kids’ sake, is there any hope of getting him to lighten up?
A – 2 August 2007 –
Clown Alchemy Rule 101: we can only change ourselves. If things need lightening, you do it! Try the affirmation ‘I love myself, I approve of myself. I thank God (the Universe, or Sweet Reality) for the father of my children, his willing participation in parenting, granting me precious free time, providing a positive role model for our kids. Bless him, bless our kids, bless me! Yay!’ Use authentic, sincere words that suit your style, but keep the general sense of my example. Repeat every day at least three times, ten times the day before your next scheduled meeting and constantly while he’s there. Let us know what happens!
Q –
I am a granny and am worried about my daughter. She and her partner separated about a year ago and my grandchildren live with her for most of the time. But she has lost a huge amount of weight and seems listless and has stopped meeting up with her friends. I know my grandchildren are very loving towards her but I am a bit worried that she is sharing too many of her troubles with these mature 10 and 8 year old girls. (I can’t get her to talk to me though!) Any ideas?’
A – 14 July 2007 –
Grannies Rule! Yay! Power to you. Thanks for being there for your daughter and grandkids through this difficult time. You’re doing a great job! Keep being there for them and loving them as best you can. Bless you.
PS. Your daughter may be depressed. Express your concerns and suggest gently that she seek professional help. If she’s unable or unwilling, you can seek advice and support yourself (your GP, nurse, a pastor, other trustworthy person).
Q –
I’m a single dad with one 16-year-old son. We used to get on fine, but he’s become very sullen and uncommunicative and I can no longer persuade him to come cycling or fishing with me (things we used to love doing together!). He has his GCSEs coming up so he is feeling the strain, but I just want to help him get outdoors and take a break. Where’s my carefree boy gone?
A – 14 May 2007 –
Dear Dad, adolescence is a bitch in heat, but you’ll get over it. Most people do. Be available, but don’t press, your son’s got enough pressure already. His next developmental task is to separate from the safe home cocoon and spread his wings. Yours is to let go. Sounds like you laid excellent foundations, so sit back, relax, marvel as he grows and applaud his flight. Go out with pals of your own, or volunteer to mentor other kids, give him space. Love him and leave him be.
