| Posted by stmirren On Friday 1 June 2007 Quote |
We dont seem to get a mention in the magazine. Can I change that? Just a note to ask if there are any non res parents listening, maybe finding it hard going with their children with restritcted access but neverthless not giving up despite all. I'd love to say hello. Mine are 11 and 14 boy and girl, both wonderful. But it's very hard to keep any sense of family for them. I live in south London. It's been a hard battle for 5 years to get proper time with them. But now I'm starting. Hi all. |
| Posted by jennyshelley On Monday 4 June 2007 Quote |
Hi. Good point. Will try to remedy that. Thanks. Ed. |
| Posted by stmirren On Wednesday 6 June 2007 Quote |
Thankyou Jenny, Advertisment for Non res parent: Can you put in a slot in the magazine. Yes every day you cannot see them you miss them. And every day counts. Time precious when they are there but trying to balance an outgoing atmosphere. Reflecting did you do enough ? Did you do it right ? No fun if you dont share the highs and the lows: Any other parent south londonish who for whatever reason cannot be with their children but trying to make a go of a parent child relationship would like to say hello then how about it. A trip to the Tate gallery. Cannizaro park festival, A walk along the Thames. Just to say a how do you do, with a best foot forward for our children. stmirren |
| Posted by jennyuk On Thursday 14 June 2007 Quote |
I have twin boys they are almost 14 months and the most adorable pair,hard blimin work though. Jake is a big boy and James is quite petite. Dont ask me how it's not like i feed one and not the other lol. As you can imagine it's a pain in the but buying x2 different size pampers (ah, shoot me im a disposable user) for my sins. Anyway i did a promotion on a site for a free box of Pampers. Thinking nothing would come out of it i forgot and a few weeks later a box arrived so i was like whats this, it was the nappies ***SHOCKED***. I emailed them to say thanks blah blah blah. Then i thought i'll ask if i can do it again, they said that was fine so i've started again. As you can imagine i dont get out much with the tiny tear ways in tow so i have'nt mangaged to keep in touch with my friends, bad i know. So im going to ask a big favour of you and ask if somone would help me out on this one. There is trial apply for stuff so no cost for you. Any help would be well appreciated, Thanks so much lindy xx http://www.freenappies.co.uk/freenappies?referer_id=11975 |
| Posted by alanc On Monday 25 June 2007 Quote |
Jenny, just registered with this website/forum, but I wanted to echo stmirren's posting about absence parents. Thanks for acknowledging this and I would be particularly interested in the thughts of likeminded dads, or mothers for that fact. To add, why do I feel such an imense sense of guilt when I am not with my son, an almost 3 year old? He lives in Belgium and since he has been born I have travelled there every other weekend, all bar a couple of 1 in 3 weekends. I've spent all my holidays, bank holidays and general spare time of work with him. The worse thing that has just recently happend is that my ex has met someone else and is pretty much living with her (won't bore you with the last 3 years of bickering, although would make interesting reading). She seems to relish in telling me how the new boyfriend reads him stories before bedtime and takes him to his parents. I've even arrived to pick him up and the new boyfriend has him naked on the table changing his nappy. It all hurts very much and I cannot get rid of this guilt of not being with him. Help!!! Alan. |
| Posted by jennyshelley On Tuesday 26 June 2007 Quote |
Hi Alan - the Welcome Page for issue 8 (accessible through OneUp home page) acknowledges non-resident parent and discusses issues around them. Thanks for your comments - I am always pleased to receive constructive feedback on this mag. As for your guilt feelings ... it seems to me that they are completely unfounded. Devoting almost all of your spare time travelling to visit your son is exemplary. Guilt is such a destructive emotion - I know, I've been there - and it leads you nowhere. But if you can cast it aside it will leave you feeling much free-er and able to actually have FUN with your little boy. It must be really hard seeing another man build up a relationship with your son. But children have masses of space in their hearts to love lots of people and he will always know that you are his Dad and no-one will ever take your place. Just keep on going - you are doing a fantastic job ... Jenny |
| Posted by alanc On Tuesday 26 June 2007 Quote |
Thank you Jenny for your kind words. I hear these sort of comments from friends and family, but it is very difficult to believe and I always want to do more. Although, you are absolutely correct that I need to put it aside, and I have begun to do so, but these feelings return at times when laying in bed at night when all I want next to me or next door is my son. Thanks again, Alan. btw, I have just subscribed, but where can I find on the web the welcome page you talk about in your posting? |
| Posted by jennyshelley On Tuesday 26 June 2007 Quote |
I really feel for you. When my children were very little I couldn't bear being apart from them. So be sad, but don't be guilty. It's not your fault. And as they get older things just get better and better. I don't know how you organise things now but you'll be able to take him off to places and/or bring him to your home. Your relationship will grow and grow, I promise, especially as his conversational skills develop. To read the welcome page, go to the Home Page, scroll down beneath 'In issue 8 ...' to where it says 'to read our issue 8 welcom page click here' Jenny |
| Posted by sheldon On Monday 2 July 2007 Quote |
Hi, I've been a non-resident parent for 3 years with one 6 year old. Just to say that once I got through all the emotional issues other readers describe with new boyfriends etc. I am now having more and better quality time with my son than in the relationship. I was lucky and learnt from the mistakes of a friend who has lost access completely (his own fault but severely and deliberatley provoked). What I did was anything either I couldn't cope with emotionally or destructive by my ex I would just put the phone down or walk away (even if this meant missing access). By setting a precedent of this and legal recourse I now have good access and co-operation. If you can show emotional distance you are less prone to the destructive manipulation that a minority of ex-partners dish out. So I suggest any new non-residential parents try and forget and forgive the past and reframe their situation at the earliest possible opportunity. The first 6 months are physically painful but you will overcome it with time and then can find a better place. |
| Posted by stmirren On Monday 9 July 2007 Quote |
"Jenny, just registered with this website/forum, but I wanted to echo stmirren's posting about absence parents. Thanks for acknowledging this and I would be particularly interested in the thughts of likeminded dads, or mothers for that fact.
So Theres Two of Us Then ? Thankyou Jenny for putting the mention in the magazine.
To add, why do I feel such an imense sense of guilt when I am not with my son, an almost 3 year old? He lives in Belgium and since he has been born I have travelled there every other weekend, all bar a couple of 1 in 3 weekends. I've spent all my holidays, bank holidays and general spare time of work with him. The worse thing that has just recently happend is that my ex has met someone else and is pretty much living with her (won't bore you with the last 3 years of bickering, although would make interesting reading). She seems to relish in telling me how the new boyfriend reads him stories before bedtime and takes him to his parents. I've even arrived to pick him up and the new boyfriend has him naked on the table changing his nappy. It all hurts very much and I cannot get rid of this guilt of not being with him. Help!!! Alan." So any others: It remains true the disadvantages built in against male parents are enormous. Though much good advice you have got here it remains a hard truth that until there is a presumption of shared parenting from the start then the battle to remain a parent can be overwhelming. Anyway one thing we can do is join together and support each other. Maybe go on a shared holiday with whatever time we can snatch with our children. Of course we would need to say hello informally somewhere so lets make a start. I'm in sth london and I'll put on a bbq if anyone wants to give it a go. No miseries please just your good self and optimism to continue family affairs. |
